The Decision

Friday, one of my best friends, Ray Chang, died after a fight with cancer for about a year. He was 28. He knew nothing of what would happen to him, but walked in the hope that God would heal him eventually. Obviously, it was not going to be in the way we all thought. Rather, he got his victory by getting out of the physical and with God where he belonged.

Needless to say, we are all hurt, bewildered and scrambling for as much faith as we can to justify our loss with claims that "He is with God now," and the like. But the bottom line is, just as a scientist with a theory, we are claiming to believe something we cannot prove. The only one of us who can prove it cannot talk to us anymore because he is out of the game. We are acting in hope; we will most likely know mothing more of our supposed afterlife until we arrive at it ourselves.

So in this gloom, I have of course began to once again ponder the ideas of which I write here. But moments ago I realized that I make my claims and arguments as an unarmed soldier behind friendly lines; I have not dared to venture out for what I baelieve because I have not truly decided to believe it... until now.

As of moments ago, I finally confessed to God (in much fear) that I will renounce the traditional views of our modern Church (i.e. eternal Hell and the like) for what I now choose to believe to be the "True" view of God... one of Love that goes beyond all understanding... and offer my personalized copy of the theoligical view of an eternal torment for those who do not believe, to Him to destroy, that I may walk in belief that ultimately all will come to God and be with him forever.

As of now, I will be labeled as either an ultimate reconciliationist or a universalist, but I shall consider myself nothing but a true believer, more authentic now than I may have ever been before.

If I become a better, stronger and more healthy believer (in the eyes of myself and others whom I trust) because of this decision, I shall know it is true. The only other outcome is that I waste away into a heresy, and in that case (ironically) I can only hope that in my blindness, God will have mercy on my soul for I "know not what [I[ do."

So, Ray, I guess I'll see you in a little while. And God, I hope to see you sooner.

Alvin out