In the Weeks After

So here I am, weeks after my loss of Ray and my decision to love all mankind and keep "no record of wrongs" and the hits just keep on coming. Now, I almost lost my house because my failing business was costing me too much to keep on life support. We shut Soma's down officially two Saturdays ago, hoping to have a great show of people only to be hit by a huge storm a few days prior and lost electric in the building until... you guessed it, Saturday. No one came for our last night... maybe 5 or 6 people. Most everyone else was out of electric and out of touch for no phones or internet or anything. Does it feel like I made the wrong decision? Not actually. You see, my life has been this crappy for quite a few years, so I cannot say things have gotten worse, just that they have not gotten any better. And this is just the start of it. So, now what?

Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him.

If this sounds trite to you, you haven't suffered enough. If this melts your heart, give me a call because we might make great friends.

I hate life today. I hate that I had no choice to be born and no choice in death unless I commit suicide... yeah right! And I further hate that everything else in between is up for grabs. One can have a crappy birth, a crappy life and a crappy, tormenting death and there isn't a thing someone may be able to do about it except pray to God... and for what? That He would change his mind? Like he didn't notice this issue already? Like He wasn't alrady "working on it" and didn't need another email about it? All that pain a person can endure. What a waste of nerves and feeling. Why bother? So some other person can be affected? Great. Why not share the effect a little balanced with both of them to give the other guy a break? Aw, nevermind... I'm just venting nonsense anyway... He is God; let Him do what is right in His eyes.

This particular post has very little place on this blog. In fact, I may come back and delete it when I wake up and get a little wiser to my ramblings. Hope I did not cause anyone to "stumble"

Alvin out